Journey to self: portrait 2022
"self portrait" 24x36 acrylic and oil pastel on paper -2022
Hey guys, my name is a Maria and welcome to marrizyartz. This self portrait was a really big reflective moment for me last summer. Now, looking back it really feels like 2022 was the liminal space in between hibernation and coming out of the cave. It was a moment where I was opening up to myself more and my surroundings and I could feel that energy reflecting back to me.
The color red in the background of this self portrait is really important for me, especially as an Aries rising. I spent a lot of time last year connecting to my Martian energy: the power of stealth, of action, of exertion,. Last year was foundational for all that is now coming and that feels really, really good.
The flowers represent purity, clear mind and clear thinking. They represent rebirth and renewal. It's the calm after the storm, the soothing feeling you feel after a deep and powerful cry. There are five flowers, 5 being a number that represents change, as last year was all about every single part of my life changing and really learning to embrace that.
It's interesting because looking back- there is a major juxtaposition in this self portrait of being both out there and also hidden. Let's take my marizzyartz necklace that was custom made by my friend Diana from Cherripotpie, donned by painted me. Wearing that necklace over the last year felt like a huge coming out. I think forever I thought of my art as my hobby, but last year I began to believe in myself enough to know that my art isn't separate from me, it is me: I am marizzyartz.
I met an older woman named Mimi in fall of 2022 who I showed this portrait to, and she asked me why the eyes weren't really eyes, she replied "do you feel like you're not being seen?" At first I thought, "well... that's just kind of my style, my thing" and then I reflected. Am I not being seen? and is that a feeling I'm internalizing? Which I can now respond: yes. I didn't feel seen. I'm a big personality, so I know people technically see me, but often times I know they're paying attention only to what's on the outside, and as a super private person I get it- I'm good at curating what it is that I want to show to the world, few people really know me. But, I didn't realize how that was affecting me.
So here I am, dedicating myself to laying it all out there: the good, the bad and the ugly - the real life of an artist. I hope you enjoy the ride.
xoxo,
-M <333
